Bogus Armies

A fake army is a force that does not exist—a military force that actually is not capable of delivering a strike against any opponent.  It exists only because of an act of deception or because of a misinterpretation of military intelligence.  There have been more of them throughout history than most people realize.

Though fake armies usually rely on deception, deception alone does not create a fake army.  There have been countless confrontations in which one side or the other used dummy soldiers to create the illusion of a larger force than was actually on the field.  This tactic has been a common practice in warfare for millennia and was used extensively by the Romans, the Byzantines, and the Mongols.  In many battles of the American Civil War, both sides enlisted the aid of “Quaker Guns”, bogus artillery that consisted of black painted logs set up either to intimidate the opposing side or to create a target at which the enemy would waste artillery fire.  

It was during World War II that fake armies really came of age.  During the North Africa Campaign, the British, in “Operation Bertram”, camouflaged real vehicles, created fake units out of baling wire and calico, constructed artillery out of bundles of palm fronds, and generated so much fake radio chatter that Erwin Rommel, the Desert Fox, was convinced that the attack at El Alamein would be farther to the south than the actual offensive was.

Similarly, the Germans kept a careful eye on the First U.S. Army Group (FUSAG) that was commanded by General Patton since they knew that this army would lead the advance for the D-Day invasion in 1944.  In reality, FUSAG’s tanks were Goodyear inflatables, the massive collection of troop tents were empty and the radio traffic was a deception invented by radio operators on one side of the tent to operators on the other side of the tent.  FUSAG worked so well that on the actual day of the invasion, Rommel was on vacation, certain that the invasion could not happen because Patton’s army was still in camp.

At least one of these deceptions had tragic results, however.  Through carefully conducted Japanese deceptions, the Allies in early 1945 were convinced that the Japanese Army in Manchuko was at least a million men stronger than reality.  One of the reasons that Allied strategy relied on atomic warfare in lieu of an invasion of the Japan was was the belief that Japan could swiftly move its forces back across the Sea of Japan to defend the homeland.  

These armies were fake, though at the time, they had very real military uses.  There have been other military forces that actually existed, but were nevertheless totally fake and were a military threat to absolutely no one.

Take, for example, the strategic bombing force so large that it was one of the top ten aviation forces in the world, all under the control of movie director Mike Nichols.  In 1969, Nichols wanted to bring to the screen Joseph Heller’s best-selling novel, Catch-22, that was based on Heller’s own experiences as a bombardier on North American B-25 Mitchells of the 488th Bombardment Squadron (Medium) in the Mediterranean.

This is a great book and I’m not saying that just because my high school confiscated my copy of the book due to its frequent use of profanity.  (I stole the book back from the principal’s office, and finished reading it during my three day suspension.). 

For Nichols to make the movie in those days (long before CGI), he had to actually acquire the aging airplanes.  At the time, the “go-to” aviation source in Hollywood was Tallman Aviation, the company started by stunt pilots Frank Tallman and Paul Mantz.  Mantz had been killed while flying the Tallman P-1 for the movie Flight of the Phoenix.  Tallman Aviation continued under Frank Tallman.

Luckily for Nichols, who produced the movie with a budget of only a $18 million dollars, Tallman already owned four B-25 bombers and was able to acquire fourteen additional aircraft.  Most of these could no longer fly, but Tallman was looking for planes with good hydraulics and wiring, intending to install serviceable engines in all of the planes.   

Since they were no longer airworthy when purchased, the planes were purchased at bargain prices (one costing only $1,500).  All of the planes were brought to flying condition, with working bomb bay doors, and repainted to resemble World War II aircraft.

In addition, Tallman spent a million dollars building a replica airfield including a barracks, a control tower, and a 6,000-foot runway.  To fly the aircraft, Tallman trained 32 pilots and had them licensed for the twin engine B-25 aircraft.  By this time, Nichols controlled one of the largest strategic air forces in the world.

The planes flew for a total of 1,500 hours with no accidents in order to create the 12 minutes of film needed in the movie.  One of the planes was intentionally crashed for the movie, and the remains were buried next to the runway.  Fifteen of the aircraft remain today, eight are still flying (including the Berlin Express above), and the remainder are in museums around the world, including the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum.

Nichols Air Force consisted of only 18 bombers, a handful of trucks, and a small fleet of jeeps.  Pepsi, on the other hand, once controlled an entire naval force, including a modern cruiser, a frigate, a destroyer, and 17 submarines.  

Yes, I’m talking about Pepsi Cola.  No:  I’m not talking about boats at an amusement park.

We have to start with President Eisenhower and Vice-President Nixon.  In 1959, Eisenhower convinced that the Soviets to allow a American Exhibition of Products in Moscow.  Among the array of American products were huge cars from Detroit, American-made televisions, and Pepsi.  A Pepsi executive named Kendall had convinced his company to be part of the exhibition.

When the exhibit opened, Vice President Nixon skillfully steered Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev over to the Pepsi exhibit to sample the wares.  While the Russians are fond of sweet drinks, Khrushchev was not overly impressed with the soft drink.  But the photo of the premier drinking Pepsi created the stereotype of Pepsi being part of the decadent goodies that were being denied to the Russian people.

While Nixon lost the 1960 presidential election to John F. Kennedy, Kendall had better luck, becoming the President of Pepsi—in part due to his product placement coup in Russia.  Kendall threw Nixon a bone, making it clear that whichever prominent law firm made Richard Nixon a partner, would be assured of becoming the house law firm for Pepsi.  The New York law firm of Mudge, Stern, Baldwin, & Todd eagerly accepted the deal.

Nixon, who became rich from the deal, spent some of his new-found wealth to orchestrate a political comeback and he traveled the world as a Pepsi spokesman.  When Nixon won the presidency in 1968, he was in a position to return the favor to Kendall.  Henry Kissinger, Nixon’s Secretary of State, began working on a deal for a select few American corporations to enter the Soviet market.

In 1972, Pepsi announced that a deal had been reached with the Soviet Union in which $500 million worth of Pepsi would be exchanged for $500 million worth of Stolichnaya Vodka, which the company could sell in the West.  In a small codicil of the agreement, Coca-Cola was banned from the Soviet Union.

Pepsi became very popular in Russia, while for a spell, everybody in the US seemed to be drinking Stoli.  Russians clamored for more American products and it wasn’t long before the people of Moscow were standing in long lines at Pizza Hut, which was a division of PepsiCo.

By 1989 and the collapse of the Soviet Union, Russia was having a hard time supplying enough vodka to pay for all the soda and pizzas being consumed by the Russian people.  Surely, there was something else Pepsi would accept in trade?

Look around your house for any products you own that were made in Russia.  Except for vodka and perhaps caviar, you are not likely to find anything.  No one I know owns a Russian-made computer or a pair of shoes produced in a peasant sweatshop.  I do own a box of matches that someone brought me from Russia, that are very pretty in a rugged sort of way, but they are impossible to light.  What else does Russia make?

Russia is basically a large gas station with a military and with the collapse of the evil empire, Russia could no longer afford to maintain a huge and aging navy, so Russian officials worked out a deal to trade old naval vessels to Pepsi.  These vessels weren’t to be used, as they were rusting hulks, badly maintained, and since Coca Cola did not have any ships that Pepsi could attack on the high seas….The ships were to be sold for scrap metal.

At the time, the deal was big news.  Pepsi had a navy, albeit a somewhat fake navy.  At least for a little while.  Turning warships into soda and pizza was a better deal than beating a sword into a plowshare.  

The ships weren’t really worth having, the cost of moving them was very high and they were so full of asbestos that it is doubtful that Pepsi broke even on the deal.  What did not make the popular news was that Pepsi received a total of 85 ships and that the other 67 ships were valuable commercial vessels that included two oil tankers and an ice breaker, all of which were sold at a sizable profit.  The ships for soda trade stopped after Russia began to sell oil in Western market and could afford to pay cash for its imports.

If you are wondering, in 2021, Pepsi had its most profitable year in Russia ever.  The next year, Pepsi stopped doing business in Russia after Putin invaded Ukraine.