I probably should be paying attention, as we only have these faculty meetings once a month, but there seem to be thirty-leven months each semester. And every damn meeting is exactly the same: the same people talk about the same things and no one is listening. They are, at best, only waiting patiently until it is their turn to talk (again). If Dr. Holland were to switch to Chinese (and he could) few in the room would notice!
Don’t get me wrong—these are good people and all of them are sincere (and God knows this campus has more problems than an adobe submarine) but nothing much will be done. The problem is that too many of my colleagues still believe the administration when it talks about “shared governance.” Personally, I find the idea that the faculty still naively trusts the Office of Moose and Squirrel’s banter about sharing the responsibility for decision making on campus to be roughly equivalent to adults still believing in Santa Claus.
Put another way, “shared governance” is about the same as a few wolves discussing the dinner menu with a herd of sheep. No matter how the sheep vote, we all know what the entrée will be.
So meetings are full of well-meaning talk but little action, forcing my mind to wander. I’m keeping notes with a stylus on my iPad, but there is little worth noting. It suddenly dawns on me how similar my iPad and stylus are to Tom Sawyer’s playing with his tick at school. He, too, had a slate and a pin. And, out of boredom, Tom passed the time at school by pushing the poor bug around the slate with a pin. I pass the time by writing random musings on my iPad during meetings. Same thing.
Zzz……
Has anyone ever questioned what really happened in “To Kill A Mockingbird?” After all, the entire story is told from Scout’s point of view and she was only a child. Perhaps she is lying, or told the story in such a way to make her father look good? There are clues to a possible alternative interpretation. Is it possible that Atticus Finch was a Muslim? Why else did he dress his daughter in a burka? And look what he wrote on it! I bet his full name is Atticus Hussein Finch…
Zzz……
I wonder if there is a twelve step program for mimes. First you have to admit you are a mime, then you have to recognize that there is a higher form of entertainment, finally, you have to seek the sponsorship of an ex-mime. Probably not: how would you seek atonement? Ritual seppuku?* That might make it hard to fulfill the rest of the steps...
Zzz……
I see on the faculty email listserv that Professor Maleficent wants something again… Who cares? She thought she wanted a career in teaching, but it turned out she just wanted a paycheck. She is living proof that hanging around a university doesn’t make you a scholar any more than standing in a garden makes you a potted plant--a perfect example that you are never too old or too educated to learn something stupid. A new educational paradigm? How about teaching?
Zzz……
Thank God the students can’t read the nonsense that faculty write on that listserv. If the students read our emails, we couldn’t fill a classroom with a net…
Zzz……
Oh good… they are talking about adjournment. I’ll bet the only part of Robert’s Rules of Order that anyone remembers is the section that says a motion to adjourn is always in order. I wonder if I missed anything?
*Seppuku—Ritual Japanese suicide. Also called hara-kiri. Literally translates as protracted faculty meeting.
Don’t get me wrong—these are good people and all of them are sincere (and God knows this campus has more problems than an adobe submarine) but nothing much will be done. The problem is that too many of my colleagues still believe the administration when it talks about “shared governance.” Personally, I find the idea that the faculty still naively trusts the Office of Moose and Squirrel’s banter about sharing the responsibility for decision making on campus to be roughly equivalent to adults still believing in Santa Claus.
Put another way, “shared governance” is about the same as a few wolves discussing the dinner menu with a herd of sheep. No matter how the sheep vote, we all know what the entrée will be.
So meetings are full of well-meaning talk but little action, forcing my mind to wander. I’m keeping notes with a stylus on my iPad, but there is little worth noting. It suddenly dawns on me how similar my iPad and stylus are to Tom Sawyer’s playing with his tick at school. He, too, had a slate and a pin. And, out of boredom, Tom passed the time at school by pushing the poor bug around the slate with a pin. I pass the time by writing random musings on my iPad during meetings. Same thing.
Zzz……
Has anyone ever questioned what really happened in “To Kill A Mockingbird?” After all, the entire story is told from Scout’s point of view and she was only a child. Perhaps she is lying, or told the story in such a way to make her father look good? There are clues to a possible alternative interpretation. Is it possible that Atticus Finch was a Muslim? Why else did he dress his daughter in a burka? And look what he wrote on it! I bet his full name is Atticus Hussein Finch…
Zzz……
The state is changing our retirement program again. The problem seems to be that, every few years, our state legislature decides to pass a law making two plus two equal some number other than four. They keep promising us retirement plans for which there are no funds. Unless New Mexico annexes some neighboring state, I don’t see how this is going to work. Probably the only reason they still let us retire at all is that it is cheaper than building a whole mess of clock towers…
Zzz……
Of all the things I am truly passionate about, why do I teach history? Because I love to tell a good story? If that were true, half of Texas would be historians. On the other hand, I’m glad I don’t teach something like math. What fun would that be? There’s a right answer.
Zzz……
Oh, God! They are talking about rewriting mission statements! Why does this come up every few years? No one knows the current statement, no one remembers the last one, and no one will pay any attention to the next one, unless we write something like: “It is the stated mission of this department to eat the brains of our students with a spoon...” Zzz……
I wonder if there is a twelve step program for mimes. First you have to admit you are a mime, then you have to recognize that there is a higher form of entertainment, finally, you have to seek the sponsorship of an ex-mime. Probably not: how would you seek atonement? Ritual seppuku?* That might make it hard to fulfill the rest of the steps...
Zzz……
Professor Eagleton (whom I support 1000%) wants more diversity in the department. I agree; this department is full of free range Yankees who have slipped the fence and turned into feral carpetbaggers. I wonder if he would be satisfied if we hired a Cajun, preferably an albino dwarf who is a freemason snake-handling Buddhist who keeps kosher? If more than one applies, let's take the tri-sexual with a trick knee. I can’t think of anything that would terrify real minorities more than the idea that, once again, Whitey was going to help them...Zzz……
I see on the faculty email listserv that Professor Maleficent wants something again… Who cares? She thought she wanted a career in teaching, but it turned out she just wanted a paycheck. She is living proof that hanging around a university doesn’t make you a scholar any more than standing in a garden makes you a potted plant--a perfect example that you are never too old or too educated to learn something stupid. A new educational paradigm? How about teaching?
Zzz……
Thank God the students can’t read the nonsense that faculty write on that listserv. If the students read our emails, we couldn’t fill a classroom with a net…
Zzz……
Oh good… they are talking about adjournment. I’ll bet the only part of Robert’s Rules of Order that anyone remembers is the section that says a motion to adjourn is always in order. I wonder if I missed anything?
*Seppuku—Ritual Japanese suicide. Also called hara-kiri. Literally translates as protracted faculty meeting.
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