Saturday, November 9, 2013

Share If You Agree

The chain letter, at long last seems to be dead.  I'm still getting the occasional email from Nigeria telling me that, because of my sterling character (this is usually the point where I know the letter is not for me), some poor widow would like me to help her invest a vast inherited fortune.  I'm curious--Has anyone ever managed to accumulate a vast fortune in Nigeria?  (Other than its present dictator/President?)

Actual chain letters no longer seem to find their way into my email.  About the only vestigial remains that I get are some political nonsense--both left and right--from friends either too lazy or retarded to use Snopes.  The last line of such letters usually ends with "Only 10% of the people who receive this will have the balls to pass this on..."

What exactly do balls have to do with this?  If testicles indicated intelligence, I presume we would have more Nobel prize winners among Nascar drivers.  I can imagine the conversation: "....any consideration of the long-term consequence of these actions--TURN LEFT! --must, of necessity, factor in the hitherto unanalyzed feedback mechanisms--TURN LEFT!--that will arise...."

Another familiar phrase, "I'm not going to be the one to break this one...." Why not?  If you show the least amount of common sense or even a smidgen of individuality, will Odin smite you?

It is not that chain letters have vanished, it is more like they have caught a virulent strain of cancer, mutated, and metastasized over to Sit On My Facebook, where they have grown even more stupid.  How many times has an acquaintance posted something that says, "Let's see how many likes we can get for this?"  What possible difference does it make?  If we get enough likes, will Lassie get Little Timmy out of the well?  Does Tinkerbelle get to live another day?

Why do people post something that begs for as many people as possible to "like" the post?  Let's put this "like" nonsense into perspective.  I once posted a reasoned and rational letter comparing the foreign policy of Thomas Jefferson to current events and got a dozen likes--mainly from students eager to kiss my ass.  The Doc, my wife, posted a blurry photo of our cat washing his Nascar brains and got 1800 likes in a single day.

On the other hand, just this week, someone posted something that said, "Stop Bullying!  Share if you agree--otherwise you don't care about suffering!"  A perfect example of why Facebook needs a "Dumbass" button.

How many times will people fall for the same tired gag?  "Share and post the word 'One' and you will be amazed at how the picture of a mule changes into a photo of a fairy princess."  If you are gullible enough to comply, the only thing that will change will be that the mule has now been added to your photo album, where it might as well be used as a self-portrait.  How many triangles do you see?  80% of people will first see the word RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PUZZLE.  Can you think of a city whose name doesn't contain an 'E'? 

Or, how about, "GOD LOVES YOU!  Share within 30 seconds and God will reward you."  First, I didn't know that God followed social media that closely, but if he does, does he really work like a slot machine?  This is also why Facebook will never catch on in the Middle East.  "Do you love Allah?  Like and share if you want to stay out of prison!"

Then, there's the popular, "Share if you support prayer in school--ignore if you are a heartless, godless secular humanist who wants to destroy the American way of life."  If I am going to be subjected to pseudo-religion and wacky superstitions, I want to "friend" Pat Robertson.    No one can outdo Pat for total nut-job crazy.  I still remember his quote about the feminism: 

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

That's the kind of crazy that would make Facebook fun.  Share if you agree.


  1. As Karen will tell you, our Facebook political discussion group often comes under attack from the Snopes-deprived denizens of the dumbass portal, one of whom is so persistent in his drive to create a mob of like-minded idiots that we've bastardized his name to describe the behaviour. As in - "OMG, you're totally pulling a Kevin right now aren't you?" (His name isn't Kevin)

    The world - and I suppose Facebook in particular - seems to be infected with lazy thinkers. People who chose to go for the ride when the mob decides it's time to burn the Monty Python witch yet again. People who refuse to think for themselves ("she turned me into a newt!"), but instead nod frantically at whoever presents "findings" that the media somehow missed. You can spot these idiots - and their "genuine articles" a mile away.

    Maybe it's a mental condition that requires sensationalist stimuli in order to function at all. Perhaps someone found out about this condition, and that's how we ended up with Maury Pauvich and the National Enquirer. I don't know.

    I do know that the sane world is often a boring one. And that no political party in the U.S. or Canada has the expertise or organizational powers or competence to pull off a workable conspiracy. Most governmental ill actions are the result of bad judgement, forgetfulness, stupidity and above all, ignorance. For that matter, I'm of the opinion that any good coming from government has more to do with good luck and accident than actual planning. Perhaps I'm too cynical.

    I truly enjoyed reading your blog tonight, sir. Could feel my blood boiling in empathy all the way through.

  2. I looked for the 'like' button everywhere on here and couldn't find it.....

  3. Interesting that you have a "Share" button for both Facebook and Twitter attached to EVERY article you write....

  4. Hey, see the ads on the lower right side? I'm paid for writing this blog. Like every whore, I mean writer, I will tell you what you want to hear for the right price. And that's the truth. Give or take a lie or two.