Saturday, February 6, 2010

Football Blogging Opportunity

While the entire country goes crazy over the Super Bowl, I have to admit that I am a little tired of football. This is probably after watching the local college team for the last few seasons. We call our team the New Mexico Possums since they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
I’ve taught many of the players, and they are good guys who try their best, but somehow the school joined a conference that apparently was created to train human forklifts for the Teamsters Union. After a long losing streak, the local paper has started reporting the games as “Shucks And Aw…”

Still, for a long time it was fun to watch them play and of course everyone enjoys watching the cheerleaders; the Goal Diggers. And the team certainly has the school’s best interest at heart, in these days of an ever-tightening budget, they promise to come down out of their Crystal Sports Palace and hold the school a bake sale. We hope to buy a book.

While I am no longer interested in the football this weekend, I am fascinated by the spectacle of the game. Millions of people will stop everything for this game. Golf courses will be deserted, movie theaters abandoned, and churches will have their lowest attendance of the year. Evidently, even God is a fan.

Stores are sold out of large screen, high definition TV sets, beer, and junk food. Enough Buffalo wings will be consumed on Sunday to ensure there is not an ambulatory chicken left in the country. The calories consumed this weekend are staggering. What’s the difference between a Super Bowl fan and an elephant? About 5 pounds. How do you make up the difference? Force feed the elephant.

More Americans will watch this game than the President’s State of the Union Address. Not that I blame them, as both the Colts and Saints have had a better year. And while the nearest computer can give you any music ever recorded, some 95 million Americans will be hoping to see some big-chested girlfriend of a quarterback performing an a capella version of “Pants On the Ground.” No one can say this country ain’t got culture.

The television commercials are the most amazing part of Super Bowl. Millions of people watch the game with absolutely no interest in football, they just want to watch the commercials. People who complain about commercials all during the year will willingly watch them this Sunday. These are supposedly good commercials. Somehow, on this one day a year, erectile dysfunction will be funny.

Advertisers are paying a staggering $90,000 a second, that’s $90,000 a second, to tell you about crap you would probably buy even if you didn’t watch the game. This means that for every 30 second spot, an advertiser has to pay about three cents per viewer.

This is a rip off. Madison Avenue, I have a much better deal for you. Advertise right here. Advertise on this excellent blog. According to Google, (the people who host this blog), the average reader spends about two minutes and twenty seconds on this site. And advertising here is about a tenth of the price per viewer compared to the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl will only run once, this blog will be up for a year or more. And while the Super Bowl will be watched primarily only in the United States, according to my hate mail, this blog is read all over the world.

Hell, I’m getting email in languages I can’t even read. I’m ready and willing to negotiate. I’ll even write a second verse to “Pants on the Ground.”

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